Courtesy and the Catholic Life; Four Guiding Principles

It’s always nice to have some basic guidelines in any endeavor. A good caddy in golf is told to “show up, keep up, and shut up.” Ronald Knox said the best advice he could give on prayer was to “pray the way you can and not the way you can’t.” The best guidance I received when going into law school was from an experienced attorney who said, “The answers are easy; the trick is to ask the right questions.” (That goes way beyond law school, by the way.) So I’d like to give four guiding principles in courtesy. If you’re ever at a loss as to what to do in a certain situation, go through these four, and you should be on safe ground. Here they are, with some brief explanation for each.

1. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Life is not about you; it is about the other. Therefore, you should never by your words, by your dress, by your attitude, make it about yourself. If you do, you are out of line.
2. Be attentive to the other. Seek to make any occasion—at home, at work, or socially—as pleasant as possible for other people, or at least as not unpleasant as possible.
3. Be aware of your surroundings. Where are you, and whom are you with? What is the place, and what is the occasion? A little reflection here will often naturally give you the guidance as to what—or what not—to do.
4. Never give unnecessary pain, embarrassment, or discomfort. I say “unnecessary” because there are times when we must correct or speak out, and this may cause pain or discomfort. Also, some people are so sensitive that any hint of contradiction or disagreement will occasion at least a minor flare-up. Be that as it may, our intention should be never to wound, but to help. If it is not, don’t say it or do it.

Did you enjoy this excerpt from The Apostolate of Courtesy? Order your copy today!